Misery
by NightcatMau
Summary: Valkyrie finally told an insulting perp just what she thought of being called Skulduggery's lover, and now the Skeleton Detective won't speak to her. Oh dear. Rated M for a word kids aren't supposed to read, almost fluffy. One-shot. Valduggery.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie, Davina, or Skulduggery. Here Val is in her late 30's, Darquesse and Lord Vile are both dead (because it helps the plot) and she is still partnered with Skulduggery. Skulduggery got rid of his facade (also because it helps the plot). POV is Valkyrie's.

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I woke up in Gordon's mansion as I had done for over a decade. It had been two weeks since I'd seen Skulduggery, and if I could help it, it would be two weeks more. About eight criminals in a row had sneered something suggestive to me about him, and I just couldn't take one more go of it. Ghastly had called, so had Tanith. They were both doing well and raising a baby, but had some concerns over me. Fletcher Renn would have likely married as well, but fell alongside countless others in what people were calling the Final Battle. As if any war, I thought bitterly, was the final one.

Skulduggery was avoiding me as well since our last arrest. Perhaps he'd seen something in my face that day, heard my gasp, or not. I think it was me saying "What in the blinking blue blazes is that supposed to mean?" to the latest leering creep that upset him. I forget he's such an overly proper gentleman at times. Or maybe when I snarled that Skulduggery was old enough to be my great grandfather several times over. Or the comment about not being into necrophilia, but I was having a bad day that day.

He'd been rigid and silent the whole way home. Not even saying goodbye when I got out. Now, thanks to having to fake my own death I had no family to go talk to except for Uncle Gordon. Who of course pointed out I've been snappish around Skulduggery for weeks, and should have apologized. I had apologized, but apparently not well enough.

I mean this is Skulduggery we're talking about. He'd made it clear in subtle ways over the years that I might be his partner and best friend, but that is as far as it went. I didn't figure my venting on a creep would upset him one way or another. It wasn't as if he loved me in return. But now I was alone. I couldn't bear to call him, not if he were that offended. Not after my first and only call was met with stony silence. I picked up my copy of 'Misery' by Steven King. I felt just like the protagonist; trapped by my stupid words.

I was about half way through when I heard a slight tap on my window. No it couldn't be. I looked over, and there was Skulduggery, perched on the sill, head cocked to one side. He was dressed all in black for once, and looked good. No he looked fantastic, I'd missed him so much. I went and opened the window. He stepped in looking at me with an expression I've never seen before on his face. His eyeless sockets bore into me. It made me nervous, so I ducked my head.

"Aren't you going to say you're happy to see me? I did come all this way to see you." He asked, his velvety voice washing over me.

I was startled, he did come all this way, either leaving his disguise in the car or not bothering with it. I looked at him more closely. After several decades I could tell he'd gotten here as fast as possible. But why rush now after two weeks apart? He was waiting for me to say something, anything. But my mouth felt dry. Facing him now scared me more than an enemy we'd ever faced together.

"I'm sorry, Skulduggery, I really am. But eight perps in a row using the same dig? I just couldn't take it anymore. I mean it was bad enough when Davina did it when I was a teenager. But now? Now it's just insulting."

Skulduggery snorted. "Because I'm old enough to be your grandfather several times over, or your sensible abhorrence of necrophilia?"

I surprised myself with the truth. "Be cause I'm almost forty, Skulduggery, even if I do look like I'm eighteen. Pointing out that I'm not, well, normal for my age is sensitive. Not that I want to get married or anything, but I hate the assumption there's something wrong with me if I'm not."

"I shall alert the presses immediately." He said dryly, going over to lounge on my bed. He folded his arms behind his head and peered at me intently.

"You like my new look? I understand black makes you look younger." I realized with a start he'd pocketed his gloves, he never does that. He was smiling at me, looking rather pleased with himself. What exactly, was he up to? I realized he did want a response and my continued gaping silence was amusing him to no end.

"You look great, Skulduggery. Black suits you."

"Ah, black suits me me because I'm dead, does it?" He was having way too much fun with this, he was most certainly up to something. I went over and sat beside him.

"No it suits you because you are an attractive man, as you always point out, and should dress well." I struggled mightily to keep the heat from rising to my cheeks.

"But I'm a skeleton, Valkyrie." He purred. This was too much. I wondered if he'd managed to get drunk somehow. Skulduggery Pleasant was never this nice.

"It isn't as if," he continued, "you find that sort of thing attractive. Pity, since I know full well you've wanted to kiss me for years." He brought one bony hand to fold over mine. I closed my eyes, this couldn't be happening.

I felt him move, but still couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. Was he having fun with me? Carrying one of his jokes too far? Then I felt his teeth press to my lips and one hand grasp me gently around the waist, the other caressing my hair. When I could open my eyes at last, he was wearing his usual smug expression. "Told you I was right." He boasted. "Of course, I didn't tell you I've wanted that for years as well. Now about the necrophilia-"

I hit him with a pillow before he could say anything else.

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**Those two are so cute together!**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie or Skulduggery. Thanks a million to AvengersAssemble7 for the request for a continuation. Val is still in her late 30s same day, same scene.

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Skulduggery fell back on my bed, laughing hysterically. "The look on your face right now Valkyrie, is priceless. I wouldn't try anything here, after all. One, I'm a proper gentleman, and two, I hear girls like you prefer their dead lovers in a coffin!"

He burst out laughing even harder and I kept swatting him with the pillow, my cheeks flaming bright red in embarrassment. Skulduggery backed up under my assault to suddenly fall out of bed with a yelp. He only found this funnier. "I guess a wooden floor," he wheezed, "is just as good as a pine box." Skulduggery tapped it invitingly, then burst into a new round of laughter, snickering so hard that he couldn't even rise up. He tried repeatedly and made it onto all fours, still chortling.

"Are you drunk?" I asked at last.

He shook his head, and managed at last to rise to his knees, the stand shakily. Still shaking and wheezing he staggered to the bed and sit beside me. "No not drunk. It's just that the look on your face was priceless. I would invite to take you shopping for the coffin with me-"

"Skulduggery!"

"But I know how much you love surprises!" He laughed again, but was clearly worn out. He sagged backwards onto the bed, trying his best to make his expression angelic.

"What makes you think you deserve to be on this bed?" I growled.

"You love me and-"

"And?"

"And you want to jump my bones!"

"So not the right answer, Skulduggery!"

"Vakyrie-"

"Leave, NOW!" Skulduggery nodded, walked to the window and started to climb out. He looked back, started laughing again, and lost his balance. I ran to the window to see him on the ground, once again shaking in helpless laughter. "Skulduggery Pleasant, I HATE you!" I shouted down.

At this his amusement only doubled, and he was rolling back and forth, shaking with his mirth. I slammed the window, locking it. I went to my bed, fuming. Only Skulduggery could take a romantic moment and make a joke out of it! A few minutes passed, then I heard him tapping on the window. I looked over, tempted to leave him out there. But he tilted his head and folded his hands in a prayerful attitude, so I went and let him in. He stepped in, composed now.

He tilted my head up towards him, kissing me deeply, his teeth on my lips making my heart melt for him all over again. He wrapped his skeletal arms around me, and I managed, somewhat shakily to put my own around his neck, not breaking the kiss. We stayed like that for the longest time, and when we parted he looked contrite. "I apologize. You aren't the only one who's nervous about this you know. I promise to behave with proper decorum in the future if you'll still have me."

"This isn't you, winding me up, is it?" I growled, distrustfully.

"No, it was just the idea of you being in love with me. For some reason I found it hysterically funny, I apologize. No one has ever... You are the first woman to suggest such a thing in over four hundred years, you know. Not too many" He kissed me. "beautiful young ladies," He kissed me again. "would find me," Another kiss. "all that worthy of love." He kissed me again, but chastely, holding my hands in his. He stepped away, looking like he didn't want to leave. "Until tomorrow night, Valkyrie Cain." He tipped his hat to me, and was gone out the window. By the time I could move the Bentley was long gone.

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**Poor Skulduggery was just gobsmacked that Valkyrie loved him in return, hence his fits of hysterical laughter. Plus, he does enjoy teasing her, so it is that too. Don't tell Skulduggery, but Valkyrie loves it when he teases her. Shhh!**


End file.
